Losing someone you love is overwhelming, and the year that follows can feel like an emotional marathon with no clear map. Between legal responsibilities, emotional waves, and figuring out a “new normal,” it’s easy to feel lost.
While nothing can make this time easy, knowing what to focus on can make it more manageable. You’re not expected to “move on.” You’re learning to move forward without forgetting what’s in the past.
Here are several things to focus on during those first 12 months that can help you honor your loved one and take care of yourself in the process.
1. Settle the Immediate Affairs
In the early weeks and months, there are unavoidable legal and financial matters that need attention. It’s not fun or easy, but it is necessary.
Start by obtaining multiple copies of the death certificate. You’ll need them for everything from closing bank accounts to filing insurance claims. If your loved one had a will, you’ll want to file it with the probate court and connect with an estate attorney. (Especially if there are significant assets, property, or debts to sort through.)
Bank accounts, credit cards, utility bills, and subscriptions may all need to be reviewed, closed, or transferred. If you’re listed as the executor or have power of attorney, keep a detailed log of who you talk to and what was discussed.
This part of the journey is emotionally and mentally taxing, so don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust to help you stay organized. If you’re unsure where to begin, a financial advisor or probate attorney can help guide you through the process.
2. Don’t Neglect Your Own Needs
Grief has a strange way of making you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. But this is when you need self-care more than ever. You’re likely exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling pulled in multiple directions at once. That’s a recipe for burnout.
Start by doing small things well. Prioritize sleep, hydration, and things that nourish your body each day. Perfection isn’t the goal here. You’re just trying to keep your foundation from crumbling.
Emotionally, this is the time to give yourself permission to feel everything. There is no “right” way to grieve. Some days you might be angry, while other days you feel numb. And then out of nowhere, a memory hits, and you’re in tears at the grocery store. This is all part of processing the loss.
If it all starts to feel too heavy to carry alone, consider speaking with a grief counselor. They’re trained to help you work through the waves without drowning in them.
3. Memorialize in a Way That Feels Right
One of the most powerful steps in the first year is deciding how to keep your loved one’s memory present in your life. There’s no universal way to do this, but you do get to choose what feels right.
Some people create memory boxes. Others establish scholarships or plant a tree in their loved one’s honor. And some choose to keep a physical reminder of their presence nearby.
“There’s something powerful about having a visual, physical, tactile reminder of your loved one in your midst at all times,” says Susan Fraser, founder of In the Light Urns. “An urn allows you to grieve in a healthy way without forgetting their legacy.”
Whatever you choose – make it yours. Finding a real connection is far more important than doing something for the sake of tradition. You want something that reminds you their story didn’t end the day they passed.
4. Find and Build a Support System
You’re not meant to go through this alone. The first year is often when friends and family slowly step back – not because they don’t care, but because they assume you’re “getting better” or don’t know how to help.
Be proactive in building a support system that goes beyond sympathy texts. That might mean joining a local grief group, scheduling regular coffee dates with a trusted friend, or seeking out online communities where people understand what you’re walking through.
Don’t underestimate the healing power of shared stories. Sometimes the most comforting words come from someone who says, “Me too.”
5. Create Space for the Future (Without Guilt)
At some point in the first year – usually after the major milestones like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays – you may begin to feel flickers of “moving forward.” Maybe you think about traveling again. Or maybe you start to laugh a little more. This is normal, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You’re not betraying anyone by continuing to live, so keep on moving.
You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out
Twelve months isn’t a magic number. (There’s no finish line in grief.) But the first year is a powerful window where you slowly shift from reacting to the loss to living with it in a healthy way. What matters most is that you don’t rush yourself, and you stay connected. You want to take things one moment at a time. Your loss is real, but so is your ability to keep going.
Founder Dinis Guarda
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